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Thoughts
Published by Poet Kiana Davis
Kiana Davis was born and raised in Richmond, California. She began writing poetry at the age of 12 to grapple with growing up in a low income community and to help her develop her identity as a young black girl in America. For the past 10 years, she has worked as an educator teaching at-risk youth in Washington State. View more posts
If these are your dual creations, words and images, I am impressed with this one. Would the words, “Disappear in” the coming fog prove a more appropriate use of the effect of fog on things? “Into” seems like too much, where “in” would suffice and is also an extra metrical beat too much. At least for me, the attempt is to make the tightest prose. The word “evaporate” is not what a thought would do in fog since it is carried by a person. The person walks through the fog, comes out again. A thought, in a person’s brain, noting the metaphor of other thoughts or distractions from reality, is in a person’s brain and the distractions make it disappear or become forgotten. It may or may not survive the fog, but it can be found again. Evaporation is forever lost because it changes into something else. Something that disappears may reappear, perhaps changed, less wordy, descriptive, but it remains itself as a thought made of words. Does that makes sense? Would you agree?
Thank you for the insightful observations. A little background, I was driving to a meeting and it was foggy. Some of the area was clear, but up ahead I saw that I was driving into an area that was completely covered in fog. That is why I used the word “into” and while I was thinking about how beautiful the skyline was, I lost an idea for a poem. It was there one second and then gone the next…. It evaporated………
Thanks for your words.
You are welcome.